Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I intend to get homeless drunk
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
