she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
