Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i drank out of a bidet.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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