You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
