So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's blow job season.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
