Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize