I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
