So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just high enough for therapy.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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