Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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