either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
