we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
