Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize