im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
