what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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