I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
