school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
