why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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