Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
