i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
