is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Boobs are out for the taking
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
