I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sext me about skeletons
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
