sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
