i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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