God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
