I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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