yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
