my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
