I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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