and you said cock pushups were impossible
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
