when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
