Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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