yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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