bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize