Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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