WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
