the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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