I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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