I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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