I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm both gender and math confused
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
