Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
