honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
