So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
