he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
