can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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