addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
