just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
