i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Be still, my beating vagina.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
