My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
