your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
