Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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