Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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