week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Your penis caused this!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
