Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
