After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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