drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
