Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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