Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
