we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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