Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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