420 ftw
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
