I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
