I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
