I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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