I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize