Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
