he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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