Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
