Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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