There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
