I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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