I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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