Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
