I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
