out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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