tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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