i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize