I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
