We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i think i just lost a toe
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
