He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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