Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
