Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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