I forgot how hot balto sounded
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize