just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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