I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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