the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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