Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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