I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize