I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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