I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
