You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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