So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
