The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
