just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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