Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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