you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
