Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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