let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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