I hate all girls vehemently.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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