sarcasm needs its own font
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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