I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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