so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
