It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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