I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think I died a long time ago.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
