Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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