it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
