i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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