Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So vagazzling was a success
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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