i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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