***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
