Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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