i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
