by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
